How long will these feelings last?

i met a guy 3 years ago, we've been best friends.. slowly morphing into unspoken friendsw/benifits type thing.. like we never said it but we hooked up a bit... but since a little before this summer i;v thought about maybe i love him. about 4 months ago we finally officially became a couple. our first i love you was on his birthday. i just said "can i tell you something? or do you want us to wait?".. he knew what i was talking about . and said "i love you". i responded of course. there was no even we just layed around in his room like huggina dn kissing for likek 3 hours :) someitmes when hes not around .. even for like a day.. i get soar all over. i actually physically hurt for his pressence. sometimes we dont even speak we just stare at each other. i lost my virginity to him a week ago. and it was not for lust like i umed my first time would be. no doubt it was nothing magical. wat with the pain and all.. and afterwards he appologized for he next 5 days feeling guilty for hurting me. i cant breath when he touches me, and sometimes i almost cry because i need him so much. he cares about me.. (i self injure... im really trying to stop tho.. because i know he hates it) and he found out about 2 weeks ago.. and he told me "i can deal with most things.. but it hurts to see you like this. it hurts me to see you this pained"... i feel lke i might start getting anonying with my clingy/obvious obsessiveness isnt it? so im just wondering when you think i might start becomeing more independant again.. before he came i never trusted myself with anyone.